it feels like the truth and a lie all at the same time...
it feels like we've been running around in circles trying to avoid the question of who you are...
i don't know if you tricked me or any of the girls you are with now, but it still feels true to me...
i wished i was the one to the girl to make you fall in love... i wished i was the girl who would change your perspective with life and love...
i wished i was the one who has gone the closest to whatever it is that you wanted or needed...
i guess ill never know...
there a lot of questions in my head that is making me dizzy right now... more than mixed emotions, i have mixed perceptions right now...
was i just like every other girl to you?or was i any different?
was i the first person to make you want to really be someone?
i know you wanted to love me, i could feel it... i also know you are far too screwed up to love... i just don't know why....
was it all a game? if it were, why give it all away so quickly?
are you protecting me from you again?
i don't know if i want to know... for if i do, i don't want everything that's in my head to be a lie... or if it goes the other way, i don't want to be stranded for a man that won't move mountains just to have me...
i don't know where you want to go, but it seems like in your own screwed up way, you are all set for the future you want...
i want the best for you, i really do, with or without me i want you to be happy...
i want to be with you as much as you want to protect me from you....
despite all of this i think you are a good man for being as real with me as you can... may it be a scheme or not, you set me up to move on even if subconsciously you keep on drawing me back to you...
so i guess i'll do what i have never done before...
i will let things be....
i will let you be who you are and i will be where i am... if i move on or not or how long it will take me, i will not tell you anymore...
just know that i care for you and i wish you all the best in life..
so stop setting up yourself for a screwed up personal life...i don't want you to end up alone (or without anyone special willing to sit beside you when you grow old)...
take care always old man
love,
me...
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