When I think about everything about him and me, sometimes I still feel at a loss for words…
It’s just a very odd feeling… how something so right can be something that I can’t have in so many different levels…
“I don’t want to see you get hurt”
I get it somehow; how he’d rather stay from a distance than get too close… a small part of me gets why and how he could say that…
A bigger part of me sometimes wants to explore what’s really there… if he was worth climbing a wall that most likely won’t break my fall…
It still feels surreal, the night lights glaring at my face while he stares deeply into my eyes… it feels like a movie every time I would look back at it. The nights that I’d tell him anything and everything that bothered me, that I’ve been hoping, what I’m happy about…
I could really feel it most of the time; how he refuses to be the romantic one to protect me…
Its not one of those “he’s just not into you moments” I know when there is something and there is nothing… maybe that’s why its so easy for me to get in and out of relationships compared to most people I know..
I’m still thinking about it upto now… all the what-if’s, all the could-have-been’s and all the might-still-be… with us…
I know I am well worth that leap that he’s not taking… and he’s worth all the gamble that I might ever get into with getting myself hurt… I just don’t know how it will happen now without him initiating the move… and I don’t really know if there is space in his life to give that possibility a chance..
I’m young and maybe naïve I know, I may meet someone else with that same intensity that we had, I may find someone else I can find reasonable to settle with, I’m not the type to close myself off to other options, but I’m not the type to give up on what I want if the chance is still worth taking..
What am I trying to say now? I guess its that I’m stuck somehow at that point where in I can wait but I know I wont wait forever…
The best people to settle moving past or forward from this state is him and me… I just don’t know how to go about it… I want to be brave enough to make him try… but I want him to want me enough to do it on his own…
*sigh*
It’s just a very odd feeling… how something so right can be something that I can’t have in so many different levels…
“I don’t want to see you get hurt”
I get it somehow; how he’d rather stay from a distance than get too close… a small part of me gets why and how he could say that…
A bigger part of me sometimes wants to explore what’s really there… if he was worth climbing a wall that most likely won’t break my fall…
It still feels surreal, the night lights glaring at my face while he stares deeply into my eyes… it feels like a movie every time I would look back at it. The nights that I’d tell him anything and everything that bothered me, that I’ve been hoping, what I’m happy about…
I could really feel it most of the time; how he refuses to be the romantic one to protect me…
Its not one of those “he’s just not into you moments” I know when there is something and there is nothing… maybe that’s why its so easy for me to get in and out of relationships compared to most people I know..
I’m still thinking about it upto now… all the what-if’s, all the could-have-been’s and all the might-still-be… with us…
I know I am well worth that leap that he’s not taking… and he’s worth all the gamble that I might ever get into with getting myself hurt… I just don’t know how it will happen now without him initiating the move… and I don’t really know if there is space in his life to give that possibility a chance..
I’m young and maybe naïve I know, I may meet someone else with that same intensity that we had, I may find someone else I can find reasonable to settle with, I’m not the type to close myself off to other options, but I’m not the type to give up on what I want if the chance is still worth taking..
What am I trying to say now? I guess its that I’m stuck somehow at that point where in I can wait but I know I wont wait forever…
The best people to settle moving past or forward from this state is him and me… I just don’t know how to go about it… I want to be brave enough to make him try… but I want him to want me enough to do it on his own…
*sigh*
